The Quiet Truth About Confidence People Never Teach You
Featuring Dr. John Bolodeoku, “The Confidence Builder” | Consultant Chemical Pathologist & Pharmaceutical Physician | Lecturer at King’s College London
Why courage matters more than charisma… and how a disco, 20 rejections and one honest conversation can change everything
There are topics people talk about politely at work… goals, growth, communication.
And then there are the conversations that cut deeper:
confidence, courage, rejection, self-belief, and the quiet battles people fight alone.
This week’s Black Sherpa 29k Club masterclass with Dr. John Bolodeoku was the second kind… a conversation that didn’t sit neatly on the surface but pulled us into the real work of becoming more grounded, more self-aware, more courageous versions of ourselves.
The energy was unmistakable:
screens unmuting, hands shooting up, laughter breaking tension, silence settling at the right moments.
A masterclass that felt less like a webinar and more like a room shifting its posture at the same time.
And at the centre of it was one line that landed like a heartbeat:
“Confidence is the quiet belief that you can handle what’s ahead.”
Not bravado.
Not noise.
Not perfection.
Just quiet belief.
When confidence first finds you: A disco hall, a suit, and John Travolta
Before John was a leader shaping the life sciences industry, he was a shy teenager pressed up against the back wall of a school disco… convinced he couldn’t dance, didn’t know the moves and didn’t belong on the floor.
You can picture it:
the sticky floor, the coloured lights, the thump of bass, the swirl of confident kids at the centre…
and John, at the edges, making noise with his friends but secretly wishing he could step forward.
So he did something simple and extraordinary.
He prepared himself into confidence.
He memorised the entire Saturday Night Fever soundtrack.
He studied the choreography.
He bought the full John Travolta suit… chest out, collar wide, the works.
Then one night, the lights came up, the music hit, and something in him shifted.
Not because fear disappeared… but because he wasn’t the same boy walking onto the dancefloor anymore.
Preparation + Practice + Identity = Belief
He had rehearsed his way into belief.
Preparation + Practice + Identity = Belief
A confidence formula born not in a textbook, but on a disco floor.
Confidence vs Courage: The internal spark vs the external leap
When Lottie asked how to speak up as the most junior voice in the room, the energy in the masterclass changed.
She named something everyone has felt: the shaking voice, the internal debate, the fear of being misinterpreted.
John talked about tone, timing, respect for hierarchy… the importance of understanding the room.
But Yam offered the line that cracked the conversation open:
“Confidence is internal. Courage is the moment you act.”
Confidence is the spark.
Courage is the flame.
And every time you choose courage… even if your heart is racing… you build a pocket of evidence your brain will draw on later.
Evidence becomes memory.
Memory becomes trust.
Trust becomes confidence.
When confidence is misinterpreted (A quiet reality for many)
John shared this with a mix of honesty and humour:
“I’ve been called arrogant before. Sometimes I wasn’t… people just weren’t ready for my confidence.”
It’s not just a personal story.
It’s a pattern many professionals recognise, especially in environments shaped by power dynamics, cultural differences and unconscious bias.
It’s the look across the table.
The comment that wasn’t meant to sting, but does.
The feedback that says “tone it down” rather than “tell me more.”
John’s reframe softened shoulders across the room:
“If you do everything right and they still say no… the alignment simply wasn’t there.”
Not a failure.
Not your flaw.
Just misalignment.
The day confidence breaks: A golf story
One of the most human moments came from an unexpected place: a golf course.
Golf was John’s escape… a place he excelled.
But then, without warning, his swing deserted him.
Shots veered sideways.
Confidence evaporated.
He avoided friends.
He felt ashamed… not of losing skill, but of losing identity.
We’ve all lived a version of that moment:
A job where everything once felt easy
A presentation style that suddenly feels clumsy
A sense of belonging that slips through your fingers
Confidence doesn’t disappear loudly.
It leaks quietly.
Rebuilding required humility, practice, and a return to fundamentals… the same steps we use to rebuild confidence in any part of life.
Rejection: Not a verdict… A data point
John’s transparency about rejection was a gift to the room.
He shared:
being rejected from 20 PhD programmes
being rejected from roles even when he was the only applicant
being rejected from opportunities he thought were simple fits
Then… a single “yes” from Oxford changed the entire trajectory.
His message?
“Rejection isn’t the full story. It’s information.”
Rejection doesn’t shrink your potential.
It sharpens your direction.
The 3 Questions to ask yourself after every interview
John offered a framework that professionals should pin to their wall, mirror or notebook.
After any interview… win, lose or uncertain… ask:
1 - Did I show genuine interest in the job?
Interest is felt, not assumed.
2 - Did I show I understood the real demands of the role?
Clarity builds trust.
3 - Did I show why I’m a strong fit… through evidence, not ego?
Facts over fluff.
And if the answers are yes?
“Walk away with confidence. If they still say no… it simply wasn’t your place.”
A gentle, grounding truth.
Wisdom from the room: Member voices that moved us
One of the gifts of the 29k Club is that wisdom doesn’t only come from the facilitator… it emerges collectively.
A few moments that stayed with everyone:
Youssef
“You can’t stay introverted forever. You have to step into life for life to open up.”
Amelia
“I became more confident when I accepted I don’t need to be good at everything.”
James
“Preparation builds confidence… but believing in your preparation matters too.”
These weren’t comments.
They were lessons.
The science of confidence: How your brain builds (or breaks) belief
Confidence is more than a feeling. It is shaped by:
1. Psychology (Self-Efficacy)
The belief you can do the thing.
2. Biology (Dopamine & Reward Loops)
Your brain reinforces behaviours that feel meaningful or successful.
3. Experience & Environment
Feedback.
Reflection.
Repetition.
Relationships.
The room you’re in.
Confidence grows where it is supported… It withers where it is misunderstood.
Practical ways to build confidence at work
Here are the tools that surfaced again and again:
Prepare intentionally
Practise saying “I don’t know” with honesty, not shame
Track small wins weekly
Journal quarterly
Use body language consciously
Curate environments that energise you
Let courage activate what confidence whispers
Confidence isn’t a leap.
It’s a series of steps.
Why confidence matters… Personally and professionally
When confidence is misinterpreted or unsupported:
people speak less
creativity shrinks
psychological safety decreases
progression slows
When confidence is understood and nurtured:
people grow faster
leaders make clearer decisions
individuals feel grounded
underrepresented talent thrives
This is why the 29k Club exists… to create clarity, confidence and community for people building careers in spaces not designed with them in mind.
A leadership confidence challenge
Confidence doesn’t come from wishing.
It grows from moments you could choose courage… but often don’t.
So ask yourself:
1 - What’s one moment next week where you could choose courage instead of comfort?
You could ask the question.
You could contribute your thought.
You could follow up on the opportunity.
You could send the message you’ve been rehearsing in your head.
2 - What’s one thing you could prepare or practise that would make future-you proud?
A conversation.
A skill.
A story.
A self-reflection.
A boundary.
Preparation is a gift you give to the version of you who has to show up.
3 - Which environment or interaction could you reconsider because it consistently shrinks you?
This is not about dramatic exits.
It’s about micro-adjustments that restore belief and energy.
Take the smallest possible step.
Confidence will meet you there.
Confidence is built.
Courage is chosen.
Your next step is yours.
Climb steady 🖤
I’m Yam – Founder of The Black Sherpa
Founder | Strategist | Speaker | Host of The Black Sherpa Podcast
I founded The Black Sherpa to create a world where talent rises on merit and no one’s potential is held back by bias or barriers.
Through bold strategy, storytelling, and our flagship community, The 29k Club - I help professionals grow with confidence and support leaders to build cultures that truly live their values.
Let’s connect and build a future where inclusion powers performance, and leadership reflects the world we serve.